


18

by KikoRush96



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Drunk on Caffeine, F/M, Heartbroken Zayn, M/M, Oblivious Liam, Pining, Songwriting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-12
Updated: 2015-09-12
Packaged: 2018-04-20 09:05:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4781660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KikoRush96/pseuds/KikoRush96
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn has been falling apart watching Liam fall in love with someone else for over a year. He needs something to hopefully win Liam back. Ed just happens to be the answer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	18

**Author's Note:**

> I actually posted this fic a while ago (about a year I think) but thought better of it and deleted it to revise it. I ended up rewriting the ENTIRE thing, so it's almost a completely different story! Enjoy :) x

Ed looked at his phone, interest piqued. They wanted another one of his songs for the new One Direction album. He ran a hand through his short hair and hummed a random tune, a bit of ‘Little Things’ and ‘A Team’. The new album was different than the past three, though Ed was certain the last was the outstanding album. If it was any more different, it might be rap or R&B, which Liam and Zayn like, or maybe really indie, which Harry likes. One thing is for sure; it couldn’t be another ‘Little Things’. The song had been a hit, but from what they’ve told him, they aren’t into their old sound anymore. 

 

Ed scrolled through his contacts and tapped Harry’s. The lad had given him plenty to write about before. Harry picked up on the first ring.

“Ello?”

“Hey Harry. How are ya?”

 

An hour later and Ed had written a new song. Not for One Direction, sadly. Harry had gone on about relationships and his adventures in America for over two hours. Ed decided to try Louis next.

 

Half a song later and still nothing that would be considered “One Direction”. After hesitating for a few minutes, Ed tapped Zayn’s contact. The thing about Zayn was that, contrary to popular belief, he talked a lot if you got him going. Ed once sat on the phone for three hours talking about a recipe Zayn was trying. Ed held his breath as the phone rang. Zayn answered on the third ring.

 

“’Lo?”

“Oh Zayn, did I wake you?” Ed fiddled with the TV remote and his pencils. 

“Nah. ‘M just tired, yeah? Been a long day.” Zayn yawned.

“As you know, I’m trying to write a song for you boys and I’m going for something like the last songs but….more mature? Does that make sense?” Ed asked, pen in hand. Zayn was silent for a solid two minutes and Ed was afraid Zayn had fallen asleep or ended the call.

“Yeah I get it man. Been doing the same thing myself these past few months. What can I do for you then Ed? ” Zayn asked. He sounded really tired. Ed sighed, resolving to try Liam next.

“Just needing inspiration. Harry and Lou were no help.” Ed answered honestly causing Zayn to chuckle. He clearly knew his bandmates very well. 

“I probably won’t be of much help either Ed. ‘M tired and all, like I said. You should try Li. He’s chock full of inspiration. It, like, seeps out of him or something.” Ed shrugged, forgetting Zayn couldn’t see him, deciding that he would do just that. Liam was, by far, the best to write with out of the boys. Sure Harry was flowing lyrics and deep meanings; Louis was all sexual tension and angry words; Niall was retrospective and go-with-the-flow; Zayn was R&B in its dictionary definition and wrote constantly about love and loss; pining and angst (Ed never questioned it; not all writers drew from personal experience). 

 

Liam was all those things, but sweeter and classier. He could write a kickass song that had dubstep and lyrics that were geared towards their older fans, but in a tasteful way. He could also write a beautiful ballad about being in love and never giving up on someone. He had the vocals and looks to match too. Ed was sure Liam was going to move on alone into the spotlight. He was definitely made for it.

 

“Yeah maybe I’ll try Liam then. You sure you don’t have anything Zayn? Something you’ve wanted to get off your chest or whatever? A tune caught in your brain? Anything would be helpful.” He heard Zayn shuffle around on the end of the line, like he was adjusting his position or something. After a few minutes, he sighed.

“Ed….I may have an idea. Something I’ve been dying to get down on paper and sing but haven’t known the way to do it y’know? It’s, uh, incredibly personal though. That’s why it’s so hard I suppose.” Zayn snuffled on the other end of the phone, the sound of a can popping open alerting Ed. 

“Well Zayn if you really want to. I don’t want to push you. What’s it about anyway? That beautiful fiancée of yours?” He meant it as a joke, of course. Out of the couples in the band, Zerrie was his favorites. Their story was cute enough and they seemed perfect for each other. Zayn huffed.

“Are you quite finished? It is not about her or that engagement. ItsactuallyaboutLiam.” Ed could not decode that jumbled mess of words that just spilled from Zayn. So Zayn said it slower and Ed instantly perked up. Zayn and Liam were the best of friends. Closer than anyone Ed had ever known. A song about a friendship like that would be perfect for the band. Steering from love songs and dark ideas would be fresh for Ed.

“You guys have the best chemistry in the whole band. A song about that kind of friendship, the kind that comes from a chance encounter yet becomes something so strong and unchanging, is exactly what I could picture topping charts. Absolutely perfect. Brill-“

“Ed….let’s just, uh, meet up then.” Zayn said tightly, cutting Ed off sort of rudely. 

“Zayn, are you okay mate? Like, that was-“

“Ed, it isn’t just about our friendship. Liam inspires m- us. When we have a bad day, Liam is there. He inspires us to look at the brighter side of things. He was born pretty much dead, had one working kidney, was bullied, and was rejected over 22 times by one person, which is insane cuz Liam is fooking amazing. He was kicked off of X Factor and came back two years later! His life was shit and look at him! That kid is inspiration and bravery in human form. I want him to hear that….in a song y’know?” Zayn huffed after he finished. Ed couldn’t even form a proper response to that. Of course he knew all that about Liam. He was friends with him after all. Hell, even the fans knew all that. But the way Zayn said it, fondness laced with a biting tone and sleepy gruffness made Ed curious. 

“You really look up to him huh?” Ed asked. He looked at his wall clock and hummed. It wasn’t really that late.

“C’mon over Zee. We can chat on my couches.” Zayn grumbled and said goodbye. Ed was looking forward to this long night for once.

 

-

 

Two minutes later and Ed had planned exactly what he wanted to ask Zayn. Ed knew that, whatever they discussed would be the new song. He could feel it, and his senses were never wrong. Zayn arrived twelve minutes later, eyes drooped and hair messy. Ed waved him in, coffee in hand and bright smile on his face. Zayn grumbled a little before settling on the couch, sipping his coffee and looking around warily. Ed sat on the chair right by Zayn, a dark brown arm chair that was the softest thing he had. Zayn cocked his eye brow at him.

 

“Okay Zayn.” Ed said, pulling out his pen and notepad. Zayn’s eyes clung to that notepad for a long moment before he sighed and sat back. What happened to the willing lad on the phone?

“Okay Ed.” Zayn mumbled, eyes on the ceiling. 

“So, what were you saying earlier?” Ed asked, flipping back to that page. Zayn glanced at him and shrugged.

“We were just chatting mate. I don’t really recall.” Zayn was lying. The way his fingers twitched as he played with them on his stomach, eyes on the ceiling, laid out on his couch? A huge tell. He had seemed so willing on the phone….. Ed was not done with this. Whatever had happened between them hanging up and Zayn arriving at his door, he was going to make sure Zayn at least said something.

Besides, it would be good for Zayn to get that off his chest. Whatever it was he was holding back.

“You said you had something super personal about Liam to talk about?” Zayn closed his eyes, a sign that Ed knew meant he was shutting him out already. 

“Er, right. Listen Ed-” Zayn said, trying to school his expression. Ed stopped him right there.

“So how does Liam inspire you Zayn?” Ed asked quickly, locking eyes with Zayn for a moment. Zayn’s hazel narrowed before he finally sighed in submission. Ed took a sip of his cola while Zayn fiddled with his rings. 

“Are you sure you really want to know mate? What I really think?” Zayn asked, sounding nervous for the first time that evening. Ed nodded..

“Then get comfortable. This is going to be a while.” 

 

\--

 

Zayn hated mornings more than most teens. What possessed a person to rise out of bed at six in the fucking morning anyway? Sure parents were a big part of it. But he knew kids getting up by themselves, on a Saturday, at six am, to start the day. It was sickening. Zayn loved his sleep. 

 

He had been singing since he was five years old, belting out notes at the top of his tiny little lungs songs from the likes of Elvis or some obscure Christmas song at three in the morning. His sister was constantly yelling at him to keep it down. His mother, however, always encouraged him to sing, asking him to sing along in the car or while she was cleaning the house.

 

This love of singing only grew over the years, and his mum always encouraged him to take singing classes. His older sister always tried to get him to try out for the talent show every year as soon as he was old enough. Zayn was extremely shy and always shook his head, lip jutting out until his mum scolded his sister and she stomped to her room, shouting that Zayn was missing out.

 

It was when he was thirteen that he started watching X Factor. He would sit on the couch, books spread around him, eyes wide as one singer after another took their turns on the stage to try to impress the mighty Simon Cowell. Zayn wondered how a man could be like that, and definitely shuddered or sighed in sympathy when Simon insulted or turned down one hopeful after the next. Zayn greatly enjoyed the show and secretly wished to audition, though that was some far off dream. He was just too shy. 

 

Unfortunately, his youngest sister found him in his room one day reading through the rules to audition and had run and told his mum before he could bribe her. Next thing he knew his mum was trying to sign him up for the next season of X Factor. He pleaded with her not to do it, eyes wide and lip in a set pout. For a moment, she seemed to back down. But then she seized his shoulders and their eyes met.

 

“Zayn Javaad Malik. You are thirteen years old. You can’t hide behind pouts and puppy eyes forever sunshine.” She hugged him tightly and he promised he would audition, if she thought he was good enough, when he was ready. She encouraged him greatly. Had him be extra careful with his voice. Always singing to her. Not that he minded. 

 

It was when he was fourteen that he saw Liam. He hadn’t known back then that this would be his best friend. He was happily forking up some pasta him mum had made when the X Factor intro began to play. He settled back and turned it up. Soon, hopeful after hopeful came and went, none making an impression on Zayn. Then a young boy, maybe Zayn’s age, stepped on stage. Zayn scoffed, hardly believing this Justin Bieber wannabe was on that stage, looking shy and out of place. Then he opened his mouth. 

 

Zayn sat there, pasta falling off his fork as the boy sang, voice steady and rich, even at fourteen. Zayn let his mouth fall open as the boy got the yes’s needed to move on. Just like that, Zayn was rooting for the boy from Wolverhampton. It looked good for the boy, making it through boot camp, getting interviewed various times. Then it all shattered. The boy’s eyes teary and face red as Simon told him he wasn’t ready, to come back in two years. To work on his vocals and then he’d be set. Zayn didn’t think he’d ever come back after that, no matter how much he dreamed of being a singer. 

 

It was at sixteen that his mum finally convinced him to sign up for X Factor. He seriously wished he hadn’t when she was yanking him out of bed at four in the morning to drive all the way to the studio. At least he got some rest in the car. He was shaking and biting his lip the whole time. When he was ushered to the stage, he felt like he might throw up. It was at this moment his brain decided to bring forth the image of the broken lad from Wolverhampton a couple years back. Lovely. 

 

He met the eyes of each judge as they asked his name and age. Then he started singing. At first he could feel their eyes on him, but soon he was lost in the music. He stood there, shaking in his boots as each judge told him that yes he was good enough to move on. He smiled and nearly bounced off stage, right into his mum’s waiting arms. She smiled and cooed in his ears, rubbing his head lovingly. He had done it. It was a big step for him and he was proud. He wanted more. 

 

Thousands of auditions later and finally, finally, it was boot camp. Zayn was all good with singing another song. He mostly kept to himself, sometimes watching a young Irish bloke with shockingly blonde hair (obviously dyed) singing and laughing, having a good ole time. A quieter brown haired bloke with sea blue eyes would sit by and nod along. A curly lad would smile and chat up every person in sight, including Zayn. They all got interviewed. Zayn never saw a camera. 

 

It was during this time that Zayn met that Wolverhampton lad. He was starving, as any teenage boy would be, and decided to go to McDonalds because everything else was closed. As he waited in line, he felt a shoulder lightly brush his and someone lightly laugh behind him. He turned to find himself looking at the boy from two years ago. Zayn felt suddenly nervous. Then the lad stuck out his hand and said, 

 

“’M name’s Liam. Liam Payne.” And he smiled nervously. Liam’s friend was looking at the menu. Zayn smiled and shook the boy’s hand.

“‘M name’s Zayn.”

 

Finally, they were told that today was a big day. Zayn was excited. This next step would determine whether his dream was attainable or not. Then they said it. The one thing Zayn hated most in the world.

 

Zayn was fine with singing. He was told many times he had an amazing voice for someone so young. That he could make it so far with it and his adorable face. He was born to be a star they said. And he had believed it. Right up until they said….

 

“Today you will be dancing.” 

 

Zayn couldn’t dance. Not even close. His sisters used to always make fun at him at family gatherings where dancing was done. There was no way he was doing that. He suddenly became self-conscious as the boys filed out onto the stage. He ducked out and found himself on a chair in an empty space. He was close to tears. He didn’t want to let his mum down. He didn’t. But he wasn’t going to make a fool of himself. Told the cameras that found him that same thing. No one would notice he was gone anyway. He wasn’t even good enough to be put in the recap of auditions (though Liam was there so that made Zayn happy).

 

Simon found him minutes later, gave him a speech about putting his dream on the line (which had Zayn close to tears). He had seen all the other boys practicing the routine and he knew he was nowhere near them. The curly lad, with his awkward limbs and lanky build, the Irish one with the bright smile and twinkling eyes, the blue eyed lad that was quiet and observant, a stocky man with brown hair and moves like he had never seen before.

 

Zayn was humiliated as he settled into his spot in front, feeling all eyes on him. As the music kicked on, he nodded to the music and began to move. He felt hopelessly stupid, but he tried. He ignored all the great dancers around him and tried his hardest. After all, his mum was surely watching. 

 

Then it happened. He wasn’t called to move on. He shuffled over to the side of the stage to exit, tears streaming down his face. He couldn’t believe it was over, just like that. What would he tell his mum? How would she look at him? At least he had the career of teacher to fall back on. He saw his mum and sisters at the other side of the room, looking impossibly sad. Or disappointed his brain added.

 

Then someone called them back into the room, everyone rushing around with tear tracks and hopeful eyes, and said that five of them had been requested back to the stage. Zayn tried to shrug it off because it definitely wasn’t him. Not after the way he had danced. They would never want a screw up with stiff limbs and a shy persona to win, or even attempt to win. He didn’t have the “X Factor” or whatever.

 

“Harry Styles”

“Niall Horan”

“Liam Payne”

“Zayn Malik” 

 

Zayn looked up sharply. That was not his name they just called. It couldn’t be. He shyly stepped forward as the last name was called and they were lead to the stage. Five of them. Curly, Blondie, Blue-eyed, and Liam. 

 

“…together as a group.” Zayn couldn’t believe his ears. A group? They reacted quickly, jumping ten feet in the air (Blondie), crouching to the ground (Zayn), hugging and cheering (Curly and that blue-eyed boy), or quietly celebrating, tears streaming down his face (Liam). They were lead into the place where other contestants were mulling about, and were met with cheers and open arms. Zayn had a shy smile as everyone pat him on the back, wide smiles and misty eyes. 

 

They decided to take a trip to Harry’s (Curly) stepdad’s cabana for a week. Zayn was happy to say he had been able to acquaint himself easily to the silly boys around him. Louis was the blue eyed kid who was so quiet during boot camp (they quickly learned that Louis was actually very loud). Niall was the Irish bloke who sang Justin Bieber nonstop and smiled without a care. 

 

Then there was Liam. Zayn never told him, but this was the lad he had seen getting kicked off of X Factor two years before. His hair was a bit lighter, a bit longer, but his voice was still strong and smooth. He had auditioned with ‘Cry Me a River’, and had definitely nailed it in Zayn’s opinion. He was kind and serious, determined to show Simon that he was ready to be famous, even with four other people to share his dream with. Zayn admired that. 

 

He had been slightly crushed when they had lost the semi-finals. Third place wasn’t bad at all though, so he said into the mic that “this wasn’t the last of One Direction.” Simon had met with them shortly after, set up a record label, and they worked on their first single. Zayn was sure he was dreaming as they were swept through a tour, interviews, and recording a single. 

 

It was at eighteen that Zayn realized he might be in love Liam. Sure he loved all his mates, growing close to Niall and his charming smile and happy-go-lucky personality, Harry and his zen nature, and Louis and his loud mouth and funny jokes. But Liam was all warm smiles, soft curly hair, crinkled brown eyes, and a strong voice that made you feel safe. Zayn loved being with Liam the most because he also shared his love of comic books, liked the same types of music, and could harmonize better than anyone.

 

Zayn always thought Louis and Niall were oblivious. Not stupid, but not as keen as Liam or Harry. Zayn also thought he hid his feelings well. Sure during interviews he caught himself staring at Liam while he spoke, or fiddling with Liam’s hair while he spoke, or randomly kissed him while he spoke. Zayn thought no one noticed. Zayn had thought no one would care either.

 

It was after the interview where Zayn had lovingly told Liam that he’d always live right next to him. He meant it too. He never wanted to leave Liam’s side. Cheesy as hell but Zayn didn't care. It was this interview that Zayn noticed Louis and Harry making signs and whispering things while looking between him and Liam. Zayn just laughed through it, too caught up in Liam and the questions to care what Lou and Harry were doing. 

 

Louis caught up to him a few hours later on the bus. Zayn was reading a comic and relaxing before their next interview in a few days. Louis plopped down next to Zayn and pretended to read the comic. Then he snatched it away and turned to Zayn, bright eyed and smiling. 

 

“Soooo Zayn. Meet any cute girls lately? I mean other than Perrie Edwards obviously.” Louis asked. Zayn cocked his head, confused. Where did that come from? 

“Uh no?” Zayn answered, moving to retrieve his comic so he could finish. Louis pulled on his arm aggressively and pouted. His striped shirt and red trousers were really not a good combo for Zayn’s now queasy stomach. He had a feeling something was about to change. 

“Hmmm…what about any handsome blokes?” Louis smirked as Zayn felt his stomach drop. He was probably pale as anything too. Louis kept their eyes locked, smirk in place. Zayn needed to get some fresh air. Now. 

“I-I don’t know whatcha mean Lou.” Zayn said carefully. Louis rolled his eyes and looked over Zayn’s shoulder pointedly. Zayn looked behind him to see Liam and Niall laughing at something. Liam’s eyes were crinkled and he was leaning back, body shuddering with his chuckles. Zayn swallowed as Liam scrunched his nose up. Damn. 

“Okay Malik, enough staring. How long?” Louis asked, clearly done fooling around. Zayn sighed, giving in. Might as well since Louis could obviously see it.

“Not very long actually.” 

 

Not even a week later, Liam had announced his relationship with Danielle to the boys. Zayn had tried to be happy for Liam. Louis just gave him a sympathetic pat before going to bed that night. Zayn did not cry. The next day he announced his relationship with Perrie. 

 

It was at the age of nineteen when things began to crash around him. Liam had broken up with Danielle twice already and was living the life. No more the soft curls or cute fringe. Liam walked into the room, hair gone. The boys gasped at him as Liam self-consciously rubbed his head, eyes narrowed. It definitely softened his features out. Zayn loved it. 

 

Zayn didn’t love that Liam went out and partied nearly every night. It was becoming a bad habit. Zayn was sitting with Perrie at his house, poking at a brownie while Perrie called her sister. She knew how Zayn felt about Liam. They had become best friends when it became clear he wasn’t into her and she wasn’t really into dating at all. They kept up the image but that’s it. 

 

Liam didn’t know that.

 

After his birthday a few months later, he walked in with a bright blonde streak in his hair. Again, audible gasps. Zayn shrugged it off. He and Perrie decided he needed a change of wardrobe and attitude. Gone was the shy boy from Bradford. Zayn was all leather jackets and tight jeans. Perrie claimed he needed to catch Liam’s attention. Try to match Liam’s more mature look and party boy image. 

 

Now twenty, Zayn was beginning to think Liam would never notice him in that way. Never want him. Liam didn’t get into a relationship for a year after Danielle and he slowed his partying. Zayn needed a miracle. 

 

The show had been amazing. The crowd of the iTunes show was louder than any other. Zayn was thrumming with energy. Louis and Niall were cracking up while Harry shook his head fondly. Liam was watching him. Zayn smiled and turned to grab a water bottle. As he did he felt a warm hand on his shoulder. 

 

“Zayn, can we talk for a moment?” Liam asked. Zayn followed him, glancing at Louis as he left. Louis only smiled. 

“Zayn, I don’t know how to say this really. I-uh-Louis-uh…” Liam tugged at his shirt, clearly nervous. Zayn’s heart sped up. Louis….

“Louis and I were talking and I was upset over Danielle for some reason. I guess because I miss the company. So I was kind of buzzed and Louis was too. And we were talking about our relationships and how girls suck. Then Louis said-“ Liam broke off, cheeks red. Zayn looked away suddenly, the floor way more interesting than it was just seconds before. Liam ran a hand through his hair, which was in a quiff now, and shrugged his shoulders. 

“He told me that I need to stop moping because I had an amazing person right in front of my nose. I had been confused and Louis simply shook his head and nodded at you, dancing with Harry and Niall.” Liam let out a shaky breath, clearly nervous.

“So I asked him if he meant you and Louis scoffed and said ‘Obviously, that kid’s been pining after you for like two years now.’ And then I looked at you again and, you probably don’t remember cuz you were drunk, but you smiled and waved at me with that ridiculous hair of yours, perfect as always. Then I sighed and told Louis that maybe I broke up with Danielle because maybe I realized something kind of important.” 

 

At that moment, Liam put his hand on Zayn’s shoulder. Zayn held his breath and waited. Waited for Liam to finish. 

 

“I told him that maybe I fancied this girl, hypothetically, who was my best friend but didn’t know if she liked me back. Louis simply punched my arm and told me to make my move soon. But I was worried about it because this friend had a gir- er boyfriend. Then Louis scoffed and said it was just for show. So….here I am.”

 

Liam looked so scared Zayn almost laughed. Not because he was a jerk, but because Liam went through this whole thing and Zayn was a little emotional.

 

“Here you are.” Zayn had whispered. Liam smiled. 

 

After a year, almost, of secretly being together finally, on Zayn’s twenty first birthday, he decided to announce it to his family. Liam had been a nervous wreck, texting Zayn pictures of desired outfits and then texting he wasn’t coming. Zayn said it would be fine. 

 

They were well received. Of course, they had to cover it up so Liam’s friends were tweeting and taking pics of him to ensure no one knew Liam was with Zayn. Then Liam went home and that was that. 

 

Later that year, during the tour, Sophia came along. Zayn had ‘proposed’ to Perrie earlier on, right before their movie premier, and Liam was quite upset with him. Zayn had told Liam it was a fake relationship, that Perrie was his friend. Liam had gotten upset anyway because Zayn hadn’t told anyone he was going to propose. In fact, Louis was steadily ignoring him too. 

 

Zayn saw the picture and it hurt. Liam was holding hands with a girl. Someone who wasn’t Zayn. The guard had blocked her, but Zayn’s demanding text was quickly answered by Liam’s short “Sophia”. Zayn wasn’t sure of much about how Liam felt about this new relationship. It made Zayn incredibly anxious.

 

Sophia was incredibly nice and sweet Zayn later learned. Liam spent pretty much all his time with her. Sure they had a billion outings specifically for work, to make ‘Sophiam’ seem legit, but there were times Zayn would text Liam knowing it wasn’t a work night and he would message back saying he was busy with Sophia. It hurt Zayn deeply, so much that in anger he would call on Perrie and chat with her. 

 

Zayn would look at the pictures of Liam with Sophia, looking so damn happy together that it made his chest hurt. Liam hardly texted and never called anymore. He stopped taking Zayn to the movies and out on the boat to fish, which Zayn had loved immensely despite being out in the ocean. Liam looked so in love that it hurt. Harry, being his best friend in the group, started glaring at Liam whenever all five boys hung out. It seemed to confuse Liam and made Zayn feel so bad. 

 

As they were setting up for their hour on 1D Day, Liam came over and smiled. Zayn smiled. And that was the end of their fight. 

 

Sophia was later fired for sleeping with Niall. The search for a new girlfriend started and Liam was happier. Zayn had been ecstatic. He was still bound to Perrie by their contract, which Liam totally understood. Unfortunately, Zayn and Louis’ video of them smoking weed went viral.

 

Liam and Harry were furious. 

 

Management called Sophia back, desperate to make Liam look as good and normal as possible to take over the damage control. Zayn didn’t really think it was fair to put so much on Liam, especially since Zayn and Louis were responsible, so he bought Liam a watch and called it a promise. A promise to save them from this hell they were in. To stay by Liam’s side no matter what. Liam had cried steadily for twenty minutes, clutching onto Zayn’s newest shirt and smiling so broadly. 

 

Liam and Zayn tried to hide it. It was hard to not sing their favorite lines from You & I to each other. It was hard not to stand by each other. To want to show more affection than their ‘platonic’ relationship allowed. Many of the songs Liam wrote were, in fact, about his relationship with Zayn. Liam proudly sang these songs to Zayn when they were trying to fall asleep after a show.

 

Then Liam changed. 

 

After getting hit with accusatory tweets about him being homophobic, Liam shut down. He wouldn’t talk to anyone, kept a safe distance from Zayn in public (which hurt Zayn so much he locked himself away for days), and made sure to bring up his relationship with Sophia any chance he got, soft smile in place. This made Zayn miserable during interviews.

 

Zayn just needed something to pull Liam back to him. Something utterly romantic, since Liam was an absolute sap. 

 

\--

Ed sat, mouth open, as Zayn finished. Ed had known Zayn and Liam were close, but not that close. He quickly scribbled some notes before getting up and heading to his bedroom. This would require his good song notebook.

 

“Hmmmm…..we need something about young love you know? Like….utterly innocent but deep. Kind of like you and Li.” Ed said, glancing at Zayn. They sat in silence for about five minutes before Ed tried out some line floating around in his head.

 

“By your side I’ll stand forever, lights shining all around us but its only yooooou. Only you.” Zayn smiled softly but shook his head.

“Little too…..deep. I was thinking simple y’know? Like about teen love, yeah? Since I – er- at eighteen.” He blushed deep scarlet. Ed tapped his pen on his lip, mouthing the word eighteen over and over. 

“I have loved you since we were eighteen. Ummmm….oh! Long before I….no…we… both thought the same thing…..?” Ed sang, testing the line a few different ways. Fast. Slow. High pitched and low. Zayn was giggling, nodding along.

“I like it. What are we calling the song Ed? Nothing, like, obvious right?” Ed chuckled and suggested 18 (the numeral version because why the hell not).

“Oh! And I want it to say somewhere ‘these arms were made for holding you.’ I want Li to know I know we are mean to be. Not him and Sophia.” Ed nodded, scribbling that in and tapping the pen on the page. They needed to tell a story, but make it so it wasn’t obvious it was from Zayn.

“We need a super cheesy line I think. Something utterly teenager and romantic. Think back to how you felt when you were eighteen and first falling in love.” Zayn closed his eyes and was silent for a few minutes. A soft smile spread across his lips, features softening and relaxing. This made Ed giggle.

“Well…..I just remember always wanting to, like, kiss him. Like every bloody second of every day. And always wanting to be right there next to him. ” Zayn mumbled, scratching the scruff on his cheek in thought. Ed scribbled that down.

“So…something about kissing then? And the holding him thing. Anything else?” Zayn tipped his head back, eyes drooping closed as he hummed a little tune that had Ed smiling. He made a mental note to use that somewhere in the song. 

“Uh…I guess, like, I just always knew, no matter what we faced, we’d be fine, yeah? I want Liam to just…get that somehow.” Ed wrote that down, underlining the phrase Zayn just said.

“Why not just put that in the song? Yet all along I knew we’d be fine.” Zayn chuckled, definitely pleased.

“That’s good too mate. What kind of song are we making this anyway?” Ed leaned back and studied the wall a moment. That was an excellent question. Since Zayn was adamant about it being a simple message, it would make sense to make it a simple ballad. Yet Ed wanted this song to be different. Not a love ballad, but something rockier. But a song with lines like ‘I have loved you since we were eighteen’ that wouldn’t work well. 

“Maybe a simple ballad. Acoustic guitar and light drums maybe? What do you want it to be?” Zayn sighed softly, rubbing his eyes and sitting up on the couch. Ed peeked at his phone and realized they had been at this for an hour at least. 

“I like the ballad. I want, you know, the words to speak. Not be crowded out with noise. Liam is, like, a music geek. He will love the words speaking to him without overpowering drums and electric guitars and bass. I just….I hope it’s enough.” Ed nodded somberly, watching Zayn’s eyes fall to the ground in defeat. They hadn’t even really started yet and he was already giving up. 

 

“Call Liam.” Zayn’s head shot up so fast Ed was concerned for his safety. His brown eyes were narrowed and his shoulders tense.

“Why? Why the hell would I call Li at….Ed it’s bloody two in the morning! Li won’t want to talk!”

“Just call him Zayn. C’mon please?” Zayn groaned before pulling his phone out and dialing the familiar number. After just two rings Liam was picking up, which woke Zayn right up. Ed motioned for him to put it on speaker.

“Zee? Is everything okay? It’s two am you know. Are you…..are you drunk or something? Do you-“ Zayn and Ed chuckled at Liam’s overprotective nature. Sure it was warranted at two in the morning, but it was still cute. Zayn rolled his eyes fondly.

“Nah mate nothin’s wrong. ‘M chillin having a soda and talkin to a mate. Just missed ya is all.” He choked up a little at the last part. It was so sad how true that statement was. Liam was hardly there, even when they were in the same room. Zayn had no idea why they had drifted apart, but they had.

“Oh….uh is it- is it Perrie? Not that I like….is it though?” Zayn sighed and took a sip from his can. 

“Nah. She’s too bloody bitchy late at night for me to stand her. Quite honestly I’m just chillin with Ed.” 

“Oh! Tell him I said hey. And that I’m siked to hear the new song next week!” Zayn smiled, eyes watery as Liam’s beautiful voice carried through his ears to his heart. This was enough to make him need to finish the song by the next meeting. It dawned on Zayn then why Ed had him calling Liam. 

“Listen Li, ‘m gonna let you go back to bed. Gotta get your beauty sleep. Not that you, like, need it or anything. I just wanted to, uh, hear ya voice.” Liam chuckled, telling Zayn goodnight and to stay safe and that he loved him. Zayn replied a shaky ‘Love you too Li. So much.’ before hanging up. Ed was smiling softly at him as Zayn snatched the notebook while simultaneously wiping his eyes. He was going to finish the damn song if it killed him.

“Okay.” Zayn said, snuffling a little to keep his nose from running. His eyes were bleary but he was determined. “Let’s finish this.”

“Right. So let’s work out the chorus and then work from there. I already have the tune…the one you were humming a minute ago. Here I’ll play it.” He grabs his guitar, playing it out for Zayn to hear. 

“Perfect. Play it again…” Ed played again, strumming along and bobbing his head. Suddenly Zayn picked up the vocals, quiet and gentle like a lullaby. 

“I have loved you since we were eighteen. Long before we both thought the same thing….to be loved and….to be in love oh. Yeah! Ed this is great. I’m just…..speaking from ma heart.” Zayn’s eyes gleamed and his head was held high. Ed was so proud of him. For being this brave and open. It was a huge thing for Zayn, which would surely impress Liam more. 

“All I can do is say these arms were made for holding you. Hmmm….what do I want? I want…..you? No. No. I already have him. I want….your love….your faaace!” Ed chuckled while Zayn snorted at that. They were so close to the chorus being finished. It felt good to get this all off his chest. And Ed was being so helpful.

“Well Zayn, ask yourself. What is the point of this song for Liam? If you already have Liam like you want, then what do you really want?” Ed watched as Zayn’s eyes narrowed in deep thought. This was the moment that made or broke the song. If they could find this one piece-

“I want Liam to love me….I want what we had back when we were young and free. Like, back when we first realized how we felt.” Ed smiled so wide that his cheeks hurt. That was almost perfect!

“I want a love like when we were eighteen.” Zayn tried, making Ed smile and write it down. Then Zayn shot up and started pacing back and forth. His fingers scratched along his scruff as he sang the new chorus over and over, changing words before shaking his head. Ed had the same feeling…like it could be better.

“I got it. I know what it is. The what I want part. See, I want more than just what we had. I want how Liam made me feel, like I was this incredibly special and amazing person. He made me so happy, still does, but it was so much simpler back then, y’know? I want that.” Ed nodded, trying to puzzle this piece into the lyrics. 

“I want a love like you made me feel when we were eighteen.” Zayn sang with a small smile that Ed knew meant he was finally satisfied. 

“Now to work out the hardest part….the verses.” Zayn crashed back down onto the couch, making Ed wonder how Liam kept up with the dramatics. He guessed Liam just…..loved it.

“Actually, I’ve already figured out the first line. Kind of obvious I guess. Then we get metaphorical with it. Really lay out our story in not only the words but the transitions and stuff. Go from simple to deep right?” Ed nodded, motioning for Zayn to pitch his idea. 

“I’ve got a heart. And I’ve got a song.” Ed wrote that down. It was the most obvious line ever written, but it seemed to belong. Besides, Zayn seemed to know what he wanted from the song now. All it needed were the words to go with the flow. 

“I want to use them both. We made a start. Maybe a false one I know. I just don’t want to be alone. Good?” Ed nodded, singing it back to him to see how it sounded from someone else. Zayn laughed, realizing the words didn’t connect well. 

“I’ll fix that later Zayn. Let’s move to the next part. The kissing part.” Ed added, winking at Zayn and casting him a lewd smile. Zayn rolled his eyes.

“So kiss me right now baby my hands pressed to you cheeks- cuz that’s all innocence and how it kind of happened haha. Now how about some metaphor that says we’ve grown up. Come a long way.” Ed tapped his chin in thought. Zayn’s brows crinkled.

“Well, maybe something to represent your youth together. What meant the most to you both back then?” Zayn didn’t even hesitate.

“Well of course music was most important to us. After that would have been staying us. Not getting too big, y’know? Staying young and having fun were important too.” Ed nodded, teeth worrying his lip. 

“What about just you and Li? Any special something that only you two can claim?” Zayn hummed, looking up and away, which Ed took to mean he was embarrassed. 

“Liam used to always say, right before a show, to me ‘we aren’t children anymore Zayn. No playgrounds to play on; no action figures and comic books. We still have those though. So one night, after a particularly fantastic show, I told Liam I had a secret to show him…..don’t look at me like that! It wasn’t bad. There was this old playground in the town we were in….so I took him there and we swung on the swings. From then on, in any and every town, we found a park and swung on the sings. Talking, laughing, and pretending we were kids again. It was just….the best times.” Ed knew exactly what to do.

“A long way from that playground…” Zayn beamed as a light blush along his cheeks. 

“Okay…next verse?” This one was harder for them to get through since Zayn wanted to be all metaphorical. Talks of stars and destinies ended with Zayn frustrated and unsatisfied. Trying the motif of water and boats that they were using in a lot of their songs made Zayn shake his head sadly. No way was this going to be like their other songs. It had to be special.

“Okay then what do you have in mind? Because I’m out of romantic metaphors. Zayn shook his head, giving up on the metaphor with a pout of his pink lips and the downcast of his bright eyes. Ed felt so bad….Zayn was doing so well.

“Well…let’s go back to progression then. We went from innocent and obvious to talking of getting away from the playground days. What’s next?” Zayn started doodling on a scrap sheet of paper, which soon became a sketch of an eye.

“We took a chance Ed. Li, he was always so careful while I was brash and ready to challenge anyone and anything….in my quiet way of course. But one day, Liam came up to me and just….said he wanted to try. Said screw management and their rules. He was willing and hopeful….which was nice to see on him of course. The early days were hard. No one knew…not many know now. Liam and I are very careful you know. I just always knew, still do, that we’d be fine. Perfect and happy and all that shit.” Ed sat back, letting this all soak in before the words basically strung themselves together in his head. His hand scribbled them down on its own accord.

“We took a chance. Baby we tried. Yet all along I knew we’d be fine.” Zayn’s eyes gleamed and he sighed, looking so happy that Ed couldn’t wait to get the song to the boys; to Liam. He looked at Zayn’s tired expression and decided they needed a break in writing. They began telling stories back and forth, some of the lads and some of their family. Zayn then shyly told one of him and Liam. 

“One night- I’ll never forget this Ed – but one night Liam was in bed and he was suffering from a cold. Nothing too serious but we all took care of him since Liam did so much for us. And in the middle of the night he padded into my room, feverish and face splotchy, and asked if he could stay because he was lonely. I let him sit right next to me and he asked, in the smallest voice I’d ever heard from him, for a glass of water and some medicine and maybe a movie. It was three in the morning!” Ed laughed as Zayn shook his head fondly at the memory. They sat up all night giggling over movies and comics and trading stories back and forth. Ed clapped his hands excitedly.

“Zayn if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you already wrote the song and are just humoring me. That is literally perfect for the next part!” Zayn turned his head bashfully, clearly pleased to be of so much help. 

“So pour me a drink, oh love. Let’s split the night wide open. And we’ll see everything we can.” Ed was getting properly hyped about the song now. Just so close.

“The metaphor! I have it Ed. Out of an old poem I read that night.” Zayn remembered the exact line of a poem he read years and years ago? As if reading his thoughts, Zayn laughed.

“Nah mate I don’t actually remember from that night. I’ve read it many times since then. It was my favorite of all time. Liam will know, but no one else will. It’s perfect. Living love in slow motion.” 

The rest of the night was spent laid out in the living room, notebooks tossed to the floor to be used later and candies filling their blood with sugar. Eventually Zayn dropped off to sleep, Ed soon following.

 

\--

 

“Ed wrote you guys a new song a week or so ago and I absolutely loved it. Take a look.” It was a week after that night and Zayn was extremely nervous. Simon handed each of them the lyrics and then popped a CD in the stereo. Ed’s melodic voice sang the chorus to the new song while they all nodded along. Per Zayn’s request, with Ed’s heavy protest, Zayn wanted to remain anonymous and the writing credits were all Ed. Zayn watched their faces carefully, trying to gauge their reactions to the song and its lyrics. Everyone, including Liam, seemed to love it. After the song finished, there was a silence that blanketed them, suffocating Zayn. Someone needed to speak. Harry broke it first. 

 

“This song is bloody fantastic!” Harry cried, a broad smile on his face. Louis rolled his eyes and Niall laughed, loud and proud. Liam smiled sweetly, eyes crinkled in that way that indicated a real Liam smile. Zayn felt pride and affection course through his veins. 

“So how should we do parts?” Louis asked. They all looked around. The song was perfect and they all wanted to show off in it- obviously Zayn wanted to more than the others, since it was from him to Liam, but he let them debate for a minute. 

"I call the first verse!” Harry shouted above the noise of Niall and Louis arguing over something unrelated to anything the rest was doing. After a moment Louis consented and Niall shrugged, all of them scratching an ‘H’ next to the first verse. Harry or Liam always took the lead vocals to guide them. It wasn’t that they thought they were better (Harry always tried to pass it up and Liam tended to look anxious about taking the main vocals, but the boys understood). Zayn knew exactly what part he wanted though.

“I want the pre-chorus, if you guys don’t, like, mind?” Louis opened his mouth to speak, looking ready to challenge Zayn, but Liam glared at him. That part was important to Zayn; it was his plea to Liam. If Louis tried to take it……but Zayn saw Liam wasn’t letting that happen. It made him smile slightly. 

 

“So who’s up for the second verse? I kind of like it….” Niall asked. Liam looked at the sheet a long moment, making Zayn twitchy and nervous. After a moment, Liam grinned at Niall.

“Wanna split it with me? You take the first half and I the second?” Niall grinned maniacally at Liam and wrote a N/L next to the second verse. Zayn let out a breath of relief, happy the song was one step closer to being recorded. They allowed Zayn the pre-chorus again. Louis would take the bridge, music dropping out perfectly for his quieter vocals. 

 

After thirty minutes, they were ready to sing it together for the first time. Zayn requested a quick smoke break, nervous about singing the song with Liam in the room. What if he slipped up? What if Liam figured it out?

 

As he slipped out the door, he heard someone call his name. Before he could even pull out his lighter, Liam was by his side. Zayn took a calming drag before he glanced at Liam, who was gazing at the sky, cloudy and grey. 

 

“Ed wrote such a great song. It’s definitely going to be a hit. What do you think Zee?” Liam asked, giving Zayn an odd look. Like he was waiting for an answer…like he knew something. Zayn swallowed and took another drag. Maybe Liam would just go away. 

 

Like that would happen. 

 

“That song has…..interesting lyrics. Tells a very beautiful love story you know. Kind of angsty though.” Zayn chuckled as Liam shoved his hands in his pockets, bright grin gracing his lips.

“Yeah I guess it does. I quite like its simplicity, y’know? Painfully open if you ask me….like they’re asking someone to come back to them after drifting away.” Liam looked at Zayn, concern and confusion mingling in his beautiful eyes. Zayn suddenly realized he may have revealed a little too much.

 

“Or something like that. I mean, that’s just what I think.” Liam opened his mouth, probably to berate the truth out of him, his eyes narrowing in on him in the way he does when he’s trying to break through the mask Zayn puts up constantly (though not usually on purpose around the boys), when thankfully the door swings open, almost bashing Zayn’s head in, and Louis pokes his head out.

“You love birds coming or what? We want to sing this damn song!” Liam still looks utterly confused, which Zayn hates more than anything. It just can’t be helped. Besides, Zayn knows he’ll get it. Eventually.

 

When Zayn and Liam enter the room, the smell of freshly brewed coffee hits them like a brick wall. Niall is running around, a crazed look in his eyes as he downs a cup of coffee. Harry looks amused while Louis is sitting in a chair, looking about ready to crawl out of his own skin. Liam just sighs.

 

“Haz, what the hell is going on in here? I was gone like, two minutes.” Harry smiles guiltily, chancing a glance at Niall, who has just leapt over the couch and crashed to the floor in a fit of hysterical giggles. 

“I may have dared them both to drink as much coffee as they could in five minutes. It was okay until about the tenth cup-“ Liam gasps while Zayn busts out laughing. Leave it to Harry to do something so strange in so little time.

“How are we supposed to sing this song with two members completely trashed on coffee? Harry, what were you thinking?” Zayn mutters about Harry clearly not thinking while Harry just shrugs it off and flops onto the other couch in the large room. Niall is finally passed out, mouth wide open and fingers twitching. Louis was still sucking down a coffee, a challenging look directed to Niall as if he were still competing despite him being unconscious. 

“Well this stinks. I was hoping to be able to catch that new horror film tonight with Soph. Guess that won’t be happening. She’s gonna be really ticked.” Zayn flinched at the name, feeling stupid and insignificant in that moment. 

“Work again Li? Don’t modest ever let you two rest?” Liam looked at Harry with pure confusion, brows scrunched together and dark eyes narrowed. Zayn felt his stomach drop. This was exactly why he had to write the song. Liam had seemed to forget his relationship with Sophia wasn’t supposed to be real….or maybe he had fallen in love with her and out of love with Zayn. That stung a little.

“Uh…no Sophia and I were planning to go out tonight sans paparazzi. Have some, like, alone time.” Harry’s eyes widened comically before shifting his eyes to a withering Zayn. Liam seemed oblivious to his best friend’s reaction to his plans, pulling out his phone and typing away.

“You gonna go to Zayn’s afterwards? Or, like, does he go to yours?” Harry flashed a cheeky smile. Liam arched a brow before turning beet red. Zayn glued his eyes to his scuffed up Doc Martens. He was humiliated that now Harry knew of his crumbling relationship with Liam. 

“Uh….well. I, like, we….Zayn doesn’t….” Liam stuttered for a bit, Zayn crawling deeper into himself. He didn’t really think about it, but he and Liam haven’t done anything about their relationship since Sophia entered the picture. At first Zayn had thought it was because Liam was trying to protect them….but it seemed actually that Liam was just falling away. 

“We haven’t been together for about two years now Haz.” Harry’s mouth dropped open, while Liam looked over at a picture on the wall, avoiding their eyes. 

“It hasn’t been that long Zee. Only around a year.” Liam said quietly. So he had noticed he was pulling away from Zayn. Anger bubbled up in his stomach at that.

“Oh! So you do pay attention to things other than Sophia’s nonexistent arse! Good to know Payne!” Liam snapped his head around, glaring at him.

“What’s that supposed to mean Zayn? What, are you seriously so insecure you can’t let me hang out with someone other than you?” Harry mumbled about getting lunch and ran from the room. Zayn could not believe his ears.

“Are you-Liam are you serious right now? You really can’t see the problem here? Are you so far gone you can’t remember….” He trailed off as Liam’s angry expression melted into a sad one. Zayn did not need those puppy eyes softening him up. He needed fire in his belly and ice in his veins. He needed to be brave.

“Zayn….I- what are you talking about? You know I love you, yeah? That you’re my number one?” Zayn shook his head, eyes flitting over his features before taking a deep breath. This was it. His chance to win Liam back. To rid them of Sophia.

“Liam…..for about a year now you have been so caught up with Sophia and the dates and the cameras that I felt you were falling away from me. It wasn’t until about a month or two ago I realized you might have actually fallen in love with her. And I get it. She’s nice and it’s easy being with her. I tried to be happy that you found someone so right for you that you could parade around the red carpets with. It hurt like hell but I tried to keep my bitter feelings inside. I knew we were taking the hard path when we started out. I tried drinking more, smoking more, being with random people, even Perrie. I’ve been so messed up over you for so long. Finally, I let it all out to Ed a week or so ago.” He paused, waiting for realization to dawn over Liam’s features. When it finally happened, he continued.

“We wrote 18 together as my way to win you back. To remind you of the promises and sacrifices we made. But mostly to remind you of what we had. Why we were even together in the first place. And I know you’re happier, but I just had to try.” Zayn felt a tear escape his eyes. After bearing his heart to Liam, he felt tired. He stood, giving Liam a weak two finger wave, turning towards the door to head home and sulk in his own bed. Liam grabbed his wrist gently.

“Zayn….I- I’m so sorry! I didn’t- I didn’t even realize it was happening. I just….it was just so easy with Soph. Modest was happy, I was happy, you seemed happy. Everything was fine. I didn’t mean to stray away, and I definitely don’t deserve your forgiveness or for you to take me back, but I want to start way over. I want to take you to McDonald’s and order cheap burgers and fries. I want to swing on rickety old swing sets in random cities across the globe. I want to sneak into movie theaters and hold your hand. I want those intimate moments back stage. Gosh you don’t deserve the hell I’ve put you through Zayn!” Liam was crying, punching himself in the leg with every sob. Zayn felt his heart break into tiny little pieces as Liam fell apart. 

“Bloody time you fixed yourself Payne. Needed Zee to not be so sulky all the damn time.” Louis said loudly from his chair, eyes still closed. 

“Yeah, but Payne’s been different too. Remember that one time Zayn and Perrie went on a little outing and she flashed her ring and Liam shouted at Sophia for an hour about how much of an idiot he was and then busted the watch she bought him for his birthday? She was crying and he was crying….” Niall drifted back off into a deep sleep. Zayn was frozen, taking it all in. Liam was shifting his weight around, clearly uncomfortable.

“We’ve both really messed up Li. Should we even keep trying? Is it worth all the pain everyone has to go through for us? The tears and the fights? Liam, I need you to tell me it’s worth fixing. Because if you don’t see it, then I’ll let you go. I won’t be mad. Just……please?” Tears streamed down his face as Liam bit his lip in thought. While he hoped, prayed, that Liam said of course Zayn, he knew better. Liam deserved someone he could be proud of….and clearly Zayn wasn’t worth the fight. It wasn’t Liam’s fault at all. 

“Damn it Zayn of course you are bloody worth it! I know what you are thinking and you are wrong. Babe I am so amazed and starstruck by you. You are definitely someone I am proud of, even if I can’t be in front of cameras the way I want to. Never, ever, think that you aren’t good enough for me. If anything you deserve better. I’m such a coward. Instead of talking to you, I ran and hid in comfort and ease. I hurt you and everyone else. I’m such an idiot. I don’t deserve your forgiveness. Just….I’m so sorry and willing to try. For you. For me. For us.” Zayn smiled weakly at Liam’s tearstained face and shaky voice. 

“So….now what?” Liam chuckled and snuggled closer to Zayn, albeit very cautiously, like Zayn might push him away or something.

“Now we sing this beautiful song you and Ed wrote for me. I’m not sure if I’m insanely happy or heartbroken that the song is about me though. I feel like such an idiot Z. You do know I love you right?” Zayn nodded vigorously, head pressed to his chest and tears soaking into Liam’s soft shirt.

“So….do you want to maybe head to mine and” Zayn shot Liam a cheeky wink, making Liam blush deep red.

“Watch a movie you doughnut.” Zayn chuckled and nodded shyly in agreement, slowly sliding his fingers in the spaces between Liam’s; just like when they were eighteen. And this time, Zayn was absolutely certain everything would be okay in the end.


End file.
